Friday, 23 January 2015

Moving through shadows, the nihilism of negativity

"the assorted activities of Druid work, provide a toolkit of stuff to move beyond blandness (or nihilism, if you wish)."
Indeed my own spiral down into darkness during the Ovate work involved interminable rounds of inner questioning "what am I doing this for, why am I following this Druid path, is it relevant" made me delve deeper and focus on what was important to me and why I started on the path in the first place. I had to learn to step back from, whilst still being in the, feeling of the moment. So that I could objectively evaluate and re-evaluate my feelings, Druidry and it's role within my life. I could then gain confidence in where I have got to as a Druid almost like spiralling back down to the start and back to where I was but within a shorter time span...

What is important to me:

  • Respect for the earth
  • Walking as lightly as I can upon the earth
  • Balancing all the aspects of my life as a human: husband, father, friend, worker, Gewessi Druid and mountain biking cyclist

How do I express this?

  • I'm a member of Greenpeace and as active as my work contract will allow. Balance this against being more active and the impact it would have on the people around me (wife & children)
  • Charities such as the Wildlife Trusts, Wildfowl and Wetland Trusts
  • Cycling, buying locally, my vegetable patch balanced against the energy I consume and my ecological footprint (I do own a car and live a modern life with electrical equipment)

Why am I a Gewessi Druid?

Druid philosophy and spirituality enhances my life. This, personally, is the key focus and the sword against which I can review my involvement. For example, must I attend group Druid ritual? Not if it detracts from my life and relationships. This sword is the edge that controls the negative inner monkey that chips away at confidence by saying "a proper Druid does xxxxx" in a whiny, nasally voice pouring the hemlock of negativity into me. It allows me to focus on the rock of my approach to being a Gewessi Druid; I follow a solitary Druid path, a Druid hermit in some respects at this moment in my life.

Because this Spiritual Order provides structure in the Wheel of the Year rituals, practice of mediation, exercising in both Yoga and Mountain Biking as well as the study of Druidry provide a focus to my life that can reign in the wild horses of my mind. These wild horses lead to the internal chaos of self-destructive behavioural patterns. The Druidry based structure controls the negative and provides a beacon of light in positivity; the answers to soul problems and bad behavioural patterns.

It furthers understanding of my life. I have built great relationships with my Pagan deities, the land I live on and with my ancestors that are important to my health and happiness as a human being. With my Gewessi deities I have a cycle where I start falling into a more atheistic view, that they are internal human brain constructs, and then a transrational experience happens and I return to my belief that there is a connection between my spirit and the universe. With the land I have much greater knowledge of the ecology of my local landscape and the spirits within that landscape such that I have tree friends (and it seems natural to talk about tree friends) and my ancestors have helped me review both my family tree heritage and my wider genetic ancestral patterns to understand with a certain humility

The whole process had moments where it was opening up old wounds, with which to scour them clean, so that they could heal properly. That healing and confidence building process has been important and painful at the same time. It has meant I have gleaned a deeper confidence in walking my spiritual path.

The triad of the tribes:
The Stag says as above so below,
The Owl says in darkness be the light,
The God/Goddess/Spirit says the mote is within me.

Reflection, think upon these when lost in the wight world.

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