Samhuin seed thought - so take the moments of happiness

Covid19 is shit, let's just clear that out of the way. This has been a crappy, stressful and hard year. Even for those of us who are introverted and found working from home a great way of getting things done, without all the social anxiety of being around lots of people. Pete's passing and my Father in Law's apparently rapid in decline in health pushed our stress levels to breaking point. As with other elderly couples one takes the strain when the other becomes frail. It's just that there's a physical cost to taking the strain. My Father in Law had been covering for my Mother in Law's physical issues, we almost lost him to heart surgery. He's still not right.

However, you can't doom-scroll life and I've learnt to try and limit my doom-scrolling to over breakfast only.

I've re-focused on enjoying the moment, at this time of turning I am lucky to have moved next to a magnificent Oak and Yew where I can see the cycle of the seasons. It's like the myths where the Oak is the guardian of the light half of the year and the Yew the guardian of the dark half of the year. This year has been about introducing myself to them, next year I shall start offering to them at appropriate times I think.

The other joy has always been mountain biking, a new house means finding new rides. I am lucky to live near the Greensand Way, a Roman road that follows the line of the South Downs between the rivers Ouse and Arun. The area of the South Downs Way I consider 'my patch', this road had been lost to me. Except here I can now ride East/West along remnants of it, it has been a joy to create a circuit of the Greensand Way and the South Downs Way where I can find stillness within the storm, moments without stress whilst physically working hard. I can find flow and with that feeling happy.

Here's the Yew from my back door...

Guldize seed thought - sometimes you are not prepared

My friend died suddenly of a heart attack, he had Covid19 earlier in the year and had heart problems in the past. He, as an embalmer, had been on the front line of key worker services. As a friend he was the older brother I wish I'd had, the man you'd want to sit with at dinner. I'd always felt I was an unlucky person, until Pete made me realise I was lucky to have him as a friend. In my grief I tried to enjoy the Gold days of the year. I was not prepared for his death, he still looked cooler in death than I could ever be. I meditated on his name to try and express my grief.
Perthro is enigmatic and full of fun;
Ehwaz is a work horse and source of company to the restless
Tiwaz is a guiding star, an even handed one but willing to sacrifice the self for the well-being of the whole.
Ehwaz a team of work horses.

The last 'proper' conversation I had with him was in late 2019. Sat in the garden at a party, he was listing the music he wanted played at his funeral. I questioned 'Why Take That?'...'Because I love it, it was a special time in my daughters lives'. The rest of the music was to make everyone 'really upset and sad' he laughed 'I want them to miss me'. It worked, it was the best, most honest, most upsetting funeral I've been at. There was no celebrant he was not religious but was spiritual. The funeral directors. who he had supported their fledgling business with free work, led the funeral. He worked with them closely and they were as much a part of the mourners as everyone else. Limited to 30 people it meant everyone really cared for him and his family. We laughed and cried and all missed him so terribly.

Elegy to Pete

Over a thousand years ago
The wisdom of the old wise one was remembered.
Amongst them was this advice...
Cattle die and kinsmen die
You yourself must die,
but one thing, I think, will never die.
The good name of one has earned it

Pete earned his good name. His manner cooler than a cucumber,
With fierce passion underneath.
His style, sharper than a razor,
With a nonchalant attitude.
Pete was a sharp dressed man,
Always casually deliberate.
His posture, enigmatic with a wry smile
A straight down the line punk.
His humour, rebellious and irreverent,
Tellingthe tallest, funniest tales.
He'd have us in stitches.
A good man, a quiet star,
You wanted to be in his constellation.
We could all benefit from being a bit Pete.

Lughnasadh seed thought - sometimes there are bigger things

It was Lughnasadh when my wife called to apologise about forgetting our wedding anniversary. She was travelling, with her friend, to Somerset. Her friend's mother had died suddenly in January. A massive heart attack, a swift passing that exposed how much work she'd been doing to cover her husband's dementia. Within 6 months of her death, her husband and step-father to my wife's friend was in a home. With these events my wife has been supporting her friend who as a spinster in lockdown has been struggling. So we'd forgotten our anniversary and it meant Lughnasadh had crept up and almost passed without recognition. Sometimes there are bigger things than worrying about the wheel of the year and our rituals to mark them. Sometimes you have to take joy in the little things, the minor successes like this Sunflower (eaten by snails a couple of weeks later)...